Orange the World!

Saturday 25 November is the UN International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. Yesterday, I attended a half day conference organised by the County Council and Aylesbury Women's Aid to prepare for Saturday and reflect on what more can be done to ensure that women do not experience violence in their lives. It was a highly informative event and I am not sure this blog will do justice to all the ideas that were talked about.

But let me first say why this movement is particularly important to me.

Four years ago a dear friend of mine, Kate Dixon, was murdered by her ex partner. Kate was a brilliant colleague and we had worked together on many projects including (ironically) one on reducing gun and knife crime in the UK. She was working in Islington when she was murdered. It is difficult to explain the combination of deep sadness and raw fury that I felt when I heard about what had happened to her. Whilst tackling domestic abuse has always been important to me, this event in my life has made it even more important.

Some facts from yesterday's conference: the National Domestic Violence helpline (0808 2000 247) takes 500 calls a day. There has been a 31% increase in domestic abuse related crimes in England and Wales since 2014. About 2 women a week are murdered by their partner/ex-partner. In many of these cases, the children of the relationship are also murdered or watch their mother being killed. There were 8000 calls to the police concerning domestic violence in 2016 in Buckinghamshire alone.

This is a massive problem and one that is not going away.

The conference was chaired by Phil Dart of the County Council and then we had two impressive presentations from Annie Reeve and Dr Jane Monckton-Smith. There was sadly insufficient time to get into the detail of what all of us can do to prevent violence against women and girls, but here are some thoughts that I was left with at the end of the conference based on what I had heard:

• "Controlling people present the most threat" said Dr Monckton-Smith, "there is nothing as dangerous as coercive control". If are a woman in a relationship where you feel controlled, stalked or spied on, please get advice. 
• If you know of a woman who you think is in such a relationship, please talk with her about it. Look for opportunities to validate (not dismiss or invalidate) her, perhaps vague, concerns or worries.   
• A history of stalking past partners is a red warning light. Take great care.
• Do not assume that domestic violence is something experienced only by women of a certain age: it can happen at all ages. 
• If you are a parent, ask your school about their Personal, Social and Health Education lessons. How well are they doing? How do they measure success?
• And use whatever influence you have, wherever you have it, to educate boys and girls that #lovedoesnthurt 

One special idea: Ask Me Ambassadors

I am sure there is much more than can be done. One initiative I heard about that might interest people and perhaps a small local network could be established was "ask me ambassadors". You can find out more here. Essentially these are volunteers who, after a free two-day training course share the learning with their friends, family, neighbours, colleagues and challenging myths, stereotypes and victim-blaming attitudes in their community. The learn how to respond to a disclosure and about the expert services they can signpost people to for help. Some ask me ambassadors may go onto to create an ask me site, creating a space in the community such as a community centre, high street shop or café where survivors can access advice and information from.

Could this be you..? 

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I will end this blog with a poem I wrote for Kate and which I read out at her funeral. She is buried in a woodland site not far from here.

I wondered what kind of tree Kate would have been, had she been one…

 

The tree would have been tall, strong, powerful but able to bend in the wind, even strong winds

When the sun shone, her leaves would have left dappled pools of warm light and cool shade

And when it rained, she would have provided shelter

 

Her roots would have been deep, gripping the Earth in a gentle embrace

Her bows and branches would have been wide enough and long enough to touch the sky

Her leaves and twigs would have gently rustled as they listened to the breeze whispering through them

 

In the spring, she would have radiated new life, with that special and fragile green than only new leaves have

And in the autumn, her golden leaves would have fallen but become the mulch for nurturing new life

 

Farewell Kate